NAKED

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I want to be bare with you

I want to get butt naked with you

And I want to be unapologetic about it

Because I’m constantly apologetic about it

Because I’m never comfortable with it

Because it scares me

Let every inch of me intertwine with every inch of you

A place where our wildest dreams and desires can roam free

A place where fear doesn’t have to exist

We are safe here

Let me caress your deepest and darkest fears

Hold on tight, I’m all ears.


-L


Single Summer '18

Single Summer ‘18. It started as a joke among girlfriends and became a group chat. It was June and all of our relationships had abruptly ended in the months leading up to summer (surprise, surprise). 

At first, we were all just excited to enjoy our summer with our newfound freedom. No wait, at first we were all sad and confused let’s be honest. Then it switched to us trying to get comfortable with being alone vs. lonely (cue Jamila Woods "Holy"). Then we realized, if we can't be comfortable being alone just yet, let's be together. We decided that we would be each other's "person".

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I'm not gonna lie, there were undertones of "Niggas aint shit" and "On to the next" in the beginning. There was a lot of supporting each other through sadness and helping each other get our minds right. There were also lots of random dates just for the sake of moving on. Ugh.

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But eventually, the group chat evolved in a beautiful way. After a while, it wasn't so much about "them" and it became more about us. Just simply remembering our individuality and the fact that our lives aren't based on being connected to anyone else.

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SS18 became a place for us learn how to be really honest about what we feel and what we need. Sometimes just admitting that to others is therapeutic enough. It was a place for us to challenge each other and admit when we disagree. We started to hold each other accountable for things in all areas of our lives. 

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"Single Summer 18" became a place for us to motivate each other to work toward our goals. We've started working out and going to church more often. We have advised each other through career changes and salary negotiations. Three of us got new jobs. We celebrated a PhD. We've learned the value of therapy and several of us have started going consistently. There is even a new organization that was born out of the connection and support of SS18 - shout out Wine Down Glo Up (A movement for women to fuel their Glo Up through connections).

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All in all, Single Summer 18 was a place of healing and emotional grounding. A reminder to embrace our own journeys and value the people who stick with us along the way. And it was just plain FUN!

This is not to say that we'll be single forever. We still talk about our dates and desires. In fact, some of us aren't quite as single anymore (cuffing season is a real thing). But the point is that our happiness is not dependent on that.

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Now that SS18 is over and we have evolved beyond our original mindset, our group chat is called "Girlfriends’ Guide..."

Cheers to remembering that each of us is a whole person, and still admitting that we need each other. Cheers to an amazing summer and a lifetime of togetherness as girlfriends. 

xo, 

Ness 

*Disclaimer: Not everyone pictured is single (😂)

Closer to Home

I wrote this post months ago and never posted it, but I always seem to get a reminder that the message is still relevant. 

For years, I have felt bad about not knowing all of the latest international news and not getting tangled up in the latest political adversities. Between racial debates and protests, celebrity gossip, devastating news stories, violence and death - there is ALWAYS something to be upset about. People want to talk about it at work, at happy hour, at dinner. I just can't connect. 

I have realized that that keeping my distance from all of it is one of the ways I'm able to keep my peace. I do think it's important to be knowledgeable about what's going on in the world, and I admit I'm a little oblivious. But now I see people all over social media finding new things to be sad and outraged about every day. Another incident of police brutality, another shooting, another infant death, another Trump debacle. I choose not to spend my days that way. 

There's enough that goes on in my personal life with myself, family and friends to keep me adequately occupied. I choose to keep my concerns closer to home. 

-Ness

Surrender

I can feel you pressing me, molding me. 

I can feel you teaching me and guiding me. 

I can feel you building me up, breaking me down. 

I can feel you testing me and trusting me. 

I can feel you healing me, holding me. 

I can feel you changing me. 

There was a time when I would resist. I would try my hardest to take control. To make decisions. I would try to devise a plan. But now I surrender, I comply.  

-Ness